


This Ain't No Cartoon

by Oswaldepic



Category: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29053821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oswaldepic/pseuds/Oswaldepic
Summary: Roger confronts Judge Doom at the Acme Factory in an attempt to save his wife and newfound friend.
Kudos: 6





	This Ain't No Cartoon

**Author's Note:**

> Awhile back, I decided to get over my fear of writing for fandom and, predictably, chose my favorite piece of media ever to do so: Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I wanted to stick to putting something on-screen into words as practice for writing this character and getting into his mindset. I took some elements from a slightly different draft of the script for the first movie and the cancelled sequel script that I found online, so some things aren't exactly the same. I absolutely adore this movie and feel sad that there's never much content for it, and while I worry I didn't quite get the characters right, I hope you enjoy this!

Roger had never, in all his years of being alive, imagined that he was capable of getting himself into a twist such as this one. 

Sure, he’d had some crazy stuff happen to him throughout his life. He’d spent eighteen of his twenty-four years so far in existence not even knowing he was a toon, and once he’d found out, he’d jumped straight into the real world to find his long lost mother. But that hadn’t been anything like right now- that had ended perfectly well. He’d found his mother, he’d accepted his identity, and most of all, he’d found the love of his life- a perfect woman named Jessica who laughed at all his jokes and encouraged him through every crazy stage of the Hollywood business, and so much more. He knew he would follow her to the ends of the Earth if he had to, and the best thing was, he was pretty sure she’d do the same in return for him.

But now all of that was at risk, as their entire world had been turned upside-down practically overnight. First came the pictures that Eddie Valiant had taken, and that had hurt, of course, it had hurt a lot, until he’d realized that it must all be a terrible misunderstanding. He was great at working those out, so talking to Jessica would fix everything, and they could go back to being perfectly happy. But before he’d gotten the chance, all of a sudden he was on the run for the murder of Marvin Acme, the man that had been ‘caught’ with his wife.

_ Sure, I wouldn’t say I was pleased with the guy,  _ Roger thought as Benny drove them down to the studio (the car had insisted on driving himself, something about Roger’s driving skills),  _ but I wouldn’t  _ murder  _ him. I’d never hurt anybody! _

The rest of the world hadn’t seen it that way, though. Even the person he’d turned to, the same Eddie that had taken the pictures, had been ready to rat him out before he’d had a quick change of heart. Things had now come to a head- Eddie and Jessica were at the factory, facing off the guy behind his framing- a man named Judge Doom- and he and Benny were on the way to help them.

Roger looked up at the large, neon red sign on the side of the studio building (reading:  _ ACME: it’s a gasser) _ , and fully realized what he was getting into. Before, sure, he’d been running from a death sentence, and that had been very clear. At one point, it had almost been carried out, when he’d gotten caught in Dolores’ bar. But the difference here was that he was running  _ towards  _ the danger, lying inside of that building, waiting to kill him like Acme, to deal with him the same as Eddie and Jessica would be dealt with for messing up the Judge’s plans.

But that’s exactly why he was doing this. This whole time, he’d been running, prolonging his numbered hours until this whole mess got figured out. But if Eddie and Jessica were disposed of, he knew there was no hope for him- and he didn’t think he could ever live with the weight of their loss, even if it wouldn’t be for long.

Benny slowed down as he drove close to the studio, his bright headlights cutting through the dark. They dimmed as they turned to Roger, who was getting out of the car. 

“Benny! You go for the cops. I’m gonna save my wife,” Roger told his friend, turning to the building. He had a gun in one of his trembling hands. It didn’t feel right, having a real, lethal weapon like that on him- props were one thing. You knew those wouldn’t truly hurt anybody. With a sinking feeling, he realized that by the end of the night, he might be the one to actually have to kill someone after all.  _ Jeepers, I hope not. _

Benny, seemingly thinking about the same thing, flinched away from the gun in Roger’s hands. “Be careful with that gun!” he scolded. “This ain’t no cartoon, y’know!” With that, the cab drove off, muttering under his breath.

Even Roger, always two steps ahead before rational thought kicked in, knew immediately it wouldn’t be wise to storm straight into the scene. He’d gotten himself caught once before, and this time, he’d be taking Doom by surprise. So, instead of looking to the doors, he went straight to one of the windows in the bathrooms and attempted to slip inside. 

To his disappointment, the window didn’t easily open. He tried pulling on it with all the strength he had, but it simply wasn’t budging. He sighed and whirled around, leaning back on the window. “Whaddya know,” he said to himself. “Locked.” 

Suddenly, the weight behind him buckled. He screamed as the window finally flipped over, launching him down into the room- straight into the toilet. A second later, it flushed, and he was going down the drain.  _ Guess that’s one way to get in!  _ he thought as he went through the pipes.

A moment later, he burst up through a manhole on the ground, the force of the water launching him into the air. In that brief moment, looking down, he could see Eddie and Jessica facing off against Judge Doom and his weasels. Time briefly seemed to go into slow motion as he looked down at them.  _ Okay, here’s your shot. Just think of it like acting for a cartoon- whatever Benny says about that. _

When Roger hit the floor, he had a scowl on his face, and he pointed the gun up at the weasels. “Alright, nobody move!” he ordered. He turned the weapon to the green-ish weasel, who, to his delight, looked shocked and dropped his own gun. 

“Roger!” Jessica cried out happily, making his heart leap. He bounded over to her. 

“Yes, my dearest! I would embrace you, but first-” he turned back towards Judge Doom and the weasels- “I must satisfy my sense of moral outrage!”

“Put the gun down, you buck-toothed fool!” Doom spat, infuriated. 

“You thought you could get away with this?” Roger continued, ignoring his command. “Ha! We toons may act idiotic, but we’re not stupid!” He advanced on Doom, keeping the gun pointed at him. “We demand justice! Why, the real meaning of the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!”

In that instant, with impeccable comedic timing, a huge pile of bricks suddenly came down on top of him. They didn’t knock him out, thank goodness, but they certainly hurt- and most of all, weighed him down so he couldn’t threaten them with the gun anymore. His heart pounded in his chest as he’d realized he’d failed.

Roger poked his head out of the bricks, his vision going blurry so he barely made out Jessica running towards him. Deliriously, he noticed the stars floating above his head, and made a connection to yesterday, shortly before everything had gone so wrong.

“Look, stars!” He called out cheerfully. “Ready when you are, Raoul.” 

Jessica rolled her eyes and smiled, making everything feel alright again for just a moment, before it was ruined by Doom’s next order- “Tie the lovebirds together.”

The weasels carried out the task quickly, and soon enough Roger and Jessica were tied together, suspended in the air. 

“Let him watch his toon friends get dipped,” Doom declared, nodding at Eddie. Meanwhile, a massive sprayer, filled to the brim with dip, pointed at the hanging couple.

_ After all the effort we went through… I’m still getting dipped. And I took my wife and friend with me,  _ Roger thought sadly. He looked to Jessica, to share his final moments with her.

“Roger,” she began, “I want you to know I love you. I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a rabbit.”

He managed a smile for her, hoping that she would return it, so that he’d get to see her happy face one final time. “Be comforted in the knowledge that as we face the Grim Dipper, our paint will be comingled for eternity,” he told her, one final, dramatic statement that was very unlike him to maybe get her to laugh, and then shut his eyes, waiting for the end.


End file.
